2 weeks ago
Some while ago a good friend said one of her favorite things to do is to give people really unique and meaningful compliments, and that she really enjoys finding things about people that they value and telling them that “hey, that thing you are is pretty awesome.” And that someone being able to do that for her is something she really values in a friendship. 🏔
At the time I dismissed it because I was like “yeah I’m secure enough not to rely on other people’s compliments for validation lolz.” But I’m beginning to realize that the deeper meaning of those kinds of compliments comes from knowing that someone can see beyond behaviors on the surface (of which mountaineering is one lol) to see and appreciate and love you for who you truly are. And, due to my total lack of awareness of who I am at a core level, I didn’t really see the value in searching for the motivation behind the actions I take, let alone figuring out and valuing that in others. 🏔
That’s something I’ve been thinking about a LOT recently. When you strip away everything on the surface, what remains? Sure, outdoor sports are fun and awesome and like 99% of the reason I have friends is because they’re awesome outdoors partners. It can be a great gateway to creating deeper relationships, but that’s not necessarily the case. Doing tons of cool and awesome things doesn’t necessarily mean that my outer behaviors are aligned with my inner self and values, especially when I’m still trying to figure out what drives me at a core level. Not being aware of that potential misalignment can cause a lot of internal struggle and feelings that feel like they have an opaque and indeterminate cause. 🏔
All this is to say that self discovery is hard and painful and a lot of work and I have like none of the answers but I hope that at least asking these questions is helping me gain some much needed self awareness. And I really appreciate the people in my life who have stuck around all this time - you probably know me better than I know myself, and thanks for being there all these years whenever I needed a generous listening ear (or a slap in the face).