3 weeks ago
Today I had an echocardiogram.
I listened to my heart beat.
I watched the blood flow in and out.
It was amazing.
While the ultrasound technician moved the wand covered in jelly around my chest thoughts started flowing like I wonder what my heart sounds like to Jesus and what does He see when He looks at my heart?
And then I was reminded of this promise in God’s word in Jeremiah 29:13. The verse that my friend Jenae loved so much. He wants a heart that seeks Him. Because then I will find Him.
So I did just that.
I grabbed an iced white mocha from the hospital cafe and went to the 8th floor of the hospital for a moment as I was overcome with emotion. I reminded myself that it’s my heart He’s after. And He is okay with it the way it is. Because He created it.
I had never sat in this spot before, ironically, I had never seen or heard my heart beat like today or felt so heartbroken either. But that’s what loving big can do, you grieve big too.
You see, I have a fast heartbeat. Makes perfect sense. I’m always in fast forward. I want things done quickly. I often don’t savor the moment.
Oh, the moments I missed.
And I never once sat on the 8th floor with Jenae. But I wish I had. Because she loved it. She’d be happy that I was sitting still for a moment. She’d be giddy that three babies were born while I was at the hospital because she loved little ones. She’d be glad I was clear about one thing - getting so close to Jesus I know His heart beat too.
But, then it happened. My mind wandered. The windows were dirty. Really dirty. Jenae always told me that they were dirty. But today I saw the dirt and then looked past it. I took in all of the trees and a path. I saw more than the distractions. I saw a reminder that He is with me. And that He looks past the messiness of my life and sees beauty.
He knows we are all dirty. He knows we are flawed. But, oh friends, He knows the beauty of our hearts.
No matter who you are. Young to wise, single or married, in seasons of plenty of news, it’s your heart He’s after. And He loves the way it sounds. You can seek Him today. He’s wanting to be close to you. 💜 Sarah