tsphotography95 on justtake.org

Mental Illness Awareness Photos & Videos on Instagram

@tsphotography95   Battling mental illnesses with photography and writing.

1 month ago

Trying to find freedom through creativity... definitely isn’t easy since my critical mind loves to take over, spouting doubts over even the simplest of design decisions. But when I can let myself merely create, it feels like I can finally breathe. And not even necessarily like I hadn’t been breathing and I just now am able to, but almost like I’ve always been able to breathe... without fears or anxieties or all the pain I live with every day. And it’s so wonderful. So, I’m persevering through creative anxieties to find the freedom that is right here in front of me. So close. • • • • • • #jewelrydesigner #jewelrymaking #jewelrydesign #jewelrymakers #jewelrymaker #blackandwhitephotos #bnwphotography #bnwphoto #bnwlife #artistlife #studiolife #creativityfound #handmadejewelry #handmadegifts #raw_depthoffield #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthwarrior #mentalillness

1 month ago

After a week of one stressor piled upon another stressor, I’m looking for a calm space. Somewhere I can take a breath and sit down for a moment and just exist. Nothing else. Just merely have a moment of pure existence. Without all the other crap going on. As impossible as it seems to obtain that, I definitely am going to try to find some version of it. It may not be ‘pure’ existence, but just a moment of calm-ish existence sounds wonderful. Maybe going to the ceramics studio and throwing some pots or doing some glazing will help with the spiraling anxieties swirling in my head. • • • • • • #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #anxious #mentalhealthrecovery #recoveryispossible #warrior #majordepressivedisorder #majordepression #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpd #ptsd #panicdisorder #anxietywarrior #raw_people #raw_edit #raw_reflection #portraitphotography #peoplephotography

1 month ago

The darkness can feel so encapsulating. I find that often it becomes all that I can see... all that I feel I’ve ever known. Even if not long ago I felt relief. It’s like that relief ceases to exist the moment the darkness and heaviness and anxieties return. Like, somehow, they are of a greater strength than the calmer moments. I feel like I’m constantly trying to not only remind myself, but also convince myself that I’ve felt a weight lifted before... that I’ve enjoyed doing things, found passions, worked through issues in relationships, etc. That not all is catastrophic and different just because my anxieties are telling me so. But it’s freaking hard. And even if I can logically know it, internalizing it and feeling it emotionally is a whole other story that I’m still trying to become one with. • • • • • • #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #ptsd #mentalhealthrecovery #majordepressivedisorder #bpd #raw_moody #raw_macro #moody #mode_emotive #moody_arts #dark_macro_art #mextures

1 month ago

So much has changed these past 8 or so months. I’ve been working on myself intensely, working to understand and learn... and I still have a long, long ways to go, and a lot of the biggest battles have yet to be faced. But I’ve still made a lot of progress where I am and have discovered an amazing new passion and path for myself. That isn’t to say things are easy. They aren’t. They are hard and they are painful and they are so incredibly complicated. Lately, it just feels like there’s one major stressor after another, and I can’t seem to come up for air before being hit with another. It often feels so discouraging and defeating. And, yes, I am tired. I am worn out. I feel broken and beaten down. But something in me also still feels empowered... even when I feel lost and hopeless. It’s a weird dichotomy. But one I’m trying not to overthink too much... On another note, I’ve started making pottery. It is truly a magical art form. There are so many parallels between either throwing a pot or hand building and daily life and living with a mental illness. I’ll try to write about some of those sometime. I may start to occasionally post photos of some of my pottery here. But the majority will be on my pottery ig page: @tori.s.designs. It’s become a huge part of my life. I’m in the shop working with clay or learning about all the processes that go into being in a ceramics studio, techniques with pottery, glazes, etc. The possibilities seem endless, and there’s always so much more to learn. And I’m loving the never-ending ability to grow within ceramics. • • • • • • #pottersofinstagram #pottery #ceramics #ceramicartist #potter #ceramicsmagazine #ceramicsmonthly #potterywheel #studiolife #handmadepottery #lagunaclay #porcelain #porcelainpottery #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #bpd #ptsd #trauma #cptsd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #raw_community_owner #raw_moody #raw_bnw #raw_minimal #blackandwhitephotography #bnwlife

8 months ago

Depression can feel like sinking. Sometimes, the sinking is laced with layers of panic and anxiety. Like I’m kicking up sand and nobody can tell that I’m sinking. And, other times, it’s this serene, calm, smothering kind of sinking... where my body kind of just cedes and relaxes to the weighted blanket of darkness, resting atop my body. And I want to let myself just sink... but I have to fight with energy and strength I used up a long time ago. Sometimes, I feel like just becoming one with my reflection... and other times, I’m not sure where my reflection ends and I begin. It feels too easy to have lost myself... but I’m not sure there was a ‘self’ before this to have lost. And that just adds a whole new layer of complexity and confusion. • • • • • • #mentalillness #mentalhealthwarrior #dontgiveup #majordepressivedisorder #majordepression #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpd #cptsd #ptsdawareness #raw_community_owner #raw_edit #raw_reflection #raw_minimal #raw_flowers #dark_macro_art #macro_nature_spirit #ig_week_family #picture_to_keep #ptk_minimal

8 months ago

Depression can take on many forms for me. It’s complicated and sneaky and subtle and blatant. It’s pain and numbness. It’s comforting and terrifying. It’s wanting to do absolutely nothing and feeling agitated because, at the same time, I want to do so many things (I just can’t pinpoint what)... and, yet, I lose motivation and energy the moment an idea of what to do comes into my mind. It’s a vicious cycle. And I both want to give into it and want to fight it with all I don’t have left in me. I wish it wasn’t so complex. That I couldn’t find myriad of ways to describe it and still feel like it is this indescribable beast. • • • • • • #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #mentalillness #mentalhealthwarrior #mentalhealthawareness #majordepressivedisorder #mydepressionis #depressionrecovery #bpd #raw_community_owner #raw_usa #raw_moody #raw_silhouette #raw_skies #moody_tones #moody_way #skymarvels_star #sky_marvels #sky_perfection #sky_brilliance #ig_week_family #ig_week_sunsets #nature_wizards #picture_to_keep #ptk_sky

8 months ago

I’ve known Darkness all too well. It’s been there with me through all the bad and has systematically stollen or drained all the good or positive. And yet, it wraps me in a warm blanket, making me believe ‘lies.’ It’s a comforting, reassuring form of drowning. Within myself. Invisibly. And even when I pull all of myself into fighting back, it tries to convince me I’m not doing enough. I ‘should’ or could be doing more. And I’m so tired. But I keep fighting. I keep breathing. I keep trying new things and facing my past and my present as head on as I can. I focus on getting back to the future... the person... I want and need most. And there are no words to describe accurately how freaking hard this battle is. And how life long it is as well. But I’ve fought this long, and I’ll continue the battle. Even though I feel so tired and so defeated at times. Most of the time... • • • • #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #ptsdawareness #cptsd #majordepressivedisorder #mentalhealthwarrior #alwayskeepfighting #dontgiveup #mentalhealthrecovery #raw_depthoffield #raw_moody #raw_community_owner #dark_macro_art #moody_tones #_macroart #macro_brilliance #macro_mood #ig_week_family #picture_to_keep

9 months ago

It’s often shocking how much things can seem like they’re going to go right. That what is needed to happen for any amount of recovery to begin may actually happen and relief starts to appear and there’s a lightness and an ability to breathe easier, etc... And then that’s squashed and things suddenly feel like there’s this dark, heavy smog and dense mugginess surrounding all that once seemed so positive and helpful and hopeful. It baffles me how the very thing that was my only shot at recovery can be continuously pulled out from under me like that’s okay to do. Like I have enough strength in me to recover without the key that I need if I am to recover. I know this all probably sounds dark. But I’m going to hold onto hope because I have to. If I want to recover, I have to believe that somehow, someway, I can find some sort of positive action that will help me get that one thing that I need so I can recover. And I’m focusing on taking it one step at a time and focusing on smaller and shorter goals. And trying to practice self care. Because on the days or weeks or months or more that feel so crushing and defeating, baby steps seem to get me through. That, and holding onto the knowledge that there is one thing that I need in order to start back toward feeling better. Even if I don’t have that right now, it’s out there and I am a fighter. Always. So I won’t stop fighting for what I need and what I deserve. Because I want to begin to feel better and I deserve to feel better. I just am missing that one key. But things will work themselves out. They need to. And until then, baby steps. Moment by moment. Breath by breath. • • • • • • #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpdawareness #ptsdawareness #cptsd #complextrauma #talkaboutit #raw_community_owner #raw_depthoffield #raw_colours #picture_to_keep #ig_week_family #ig_week #macro_brilliance #dof_brillance #pearlsofbokeh #fiftyshades_of_macro

10 months ago

My mood has definitely lifted since I took that positive action toward hopefully getting back into my life what I know I need if I’m to get better. Or at least start on that road again. And I really do believe and feel and think it’ll work. I just won’t know, yet. So I’m staying hopeful and reminding myself to keep believing because the odds of that positive action working are very high. And thinking or worrying about a negative outcome won’t prepare me for it, it’ll just make the waiting time much worse. My emotions have been all over the place lately, but different than before I took that action. Better in ways for sure. I still have so many awful moments, but I’m actually feeling relief at times or ok or even good at times — I haven’t had relief in more months than I even want to count. But the relief comes from the hope and the belief that I’ll finally get back what I need so I can start my slow journey back to recovery. • • • • • • #mentalillness #mentalhealthcommunity #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #depressionrecovery #bpd #cptsd #ptsdawareness #endthestigma #raw_community_owner #raw_skies #raw_reflection #raw_edit #raw_usa #ig_week #ig_week_sunsets #ig_week_family #sky_marvels #sky_perfection #fiftyshades_of_twilight #sky_brilliance #sky_captures #nature_brilliance #sunset_vision #sunsetsky #water_brilliance #water_perfection

10 months ago

I might finally be able to see the light and the colors again. That is, if things work out the way I’m hoping and praying and needing them to. If the results of me finally taking a positive action to get what I need back into my life are positive and actually get me what I need back, then I know I’ll finally be able to see hope again and see a future that isn’t what my life is right now. A much better future eventually. So I’m terrified. And my anxiety is through the roof. My panic attacks are more frequent. And I’m excited and happier at times and actually feel relief for the first time in more months than I want to count thinking there’s a chance now. But I won’t know just yet. My feelings are all over the place. But if this works out like I know I need it to if I’m going to be okay again, then I just - I don’t even have the words to describe how awesome (and very necessary) that’d be. The flip side is that it’ll completely crush and destroy me and make the flashbacks so much worse if this doesn’t work out. But I’m trying so hard to focus on the positive outcome because I’ve realized focusing on the negative one won’t prepare me for it, it’ll just make the time in between knowing even worse. And I put my heart on the line and laid myself out there. I took a massive positive step to get what I need back into my life so I can start to heal again. This is the one person who I know I need if I’m to start back on my road to recovery and be okay again. It’s the one thing I know to the true. So, until I know if it’ll happen, I’m a mix of so many emotions, but hope, relief, excitement, ‘normalcy,’ ‘happiness,’ anxiety, fear, nervousness, desperation, franticness, etc. are all there. And swimming through me at exponential rates. And that’s to be expected. And that’s okay. I just know what I need if I’m going to be able to get better, and I am really proud of myself for taking the step toward getting that back again. Even though it’s so scary, it feels really good to have done that. • • • • • • #mentalhealthrecovery #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpd #cptsd #depressionrecovery #mentalillness #imtrying #bebrave #raw_minimal #raw_nightshots #ptk_minimal #ig_week_family

10 months ago

Today has been interesting so far. In a pretty good way. I’m hesitant to say that since I tend to crash after having okay moments. But I’ve been learning to try to ride the not-as-bad times and accept that they will pass and the unbearable times will return. But the relief is necessary for survival when I can get it. I had a great and enlightening talk with a close friend. Learned a lot and want to explore a lot that we spoke about. Was so interesting and gave me new insights into different ways I can practice self care and work on changing my mind frame in certain ways. My mental illnesses make that super hard, of course. And I won’t be capable of changing how I think or react or feel entirely. I’m learning to accept that. I don’t always have control over my emotions and how I react internally to things and how things effect me - the BPD plays a huge role in that. It’s complicated to write about, but maybe at some point I’ll try to. But I can try to add things to my life and routine that can help and relieve some pressure and hopefully reduce some anxiety. I know my battles with mental illnesses will always be there. And they aren’t easy at all! But the last couple of days I’ve taken some positive steps. I took a positive action in my life to try to get back into my life what I need in order to begin back on my road to recovery. What I need so I can be ok. I’m so proud of doing that as it laid my heart and all of me on the line and was and is scary, but it was worth it. And I’m so hoping something positive comes out of it. And today, learning about and just talking about certain things was really enlightening and fun and cool. And changed my head a bit... got me thinking (in a good way). Every day is a battle, but I am a fighter. And I won’t stop fighting. • • • • • • #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #bpd #ptsdawareness #coping #selfcare #depressionrecovery #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #cptsd #warriorsoul #raw_skies #raw_waters #raw_allnature #raw_silhouette #raw_longexposure #raw_community_owner #ig_week_family #ig_week #sky_brilliance #sky_sultans #water_brilliance #water_perfection #sky_perfection #sky_marvels #sunsetsky #picture_to_keep #rsa_ladies

10 months ago

I am a fighter. I have to be a fighter. It’s exhausting and scary and so freaking hard. But I have to be a fighter. And I have to try to take some control over my life. Feeling like I have no control is destroying me. And I still believe there’s a chance I don’t have control. Because, the truth is, I may not. People always say that we have control or can take or have control, but in some circumstances, that isn’t true. And while it’s more comforting to believe I have control, I may need to accept that I don’t. But I won’t stop trying. I won’t stop trying to take back some control because I can’t stop trying. My situation is complicated and messed up big time. But I’m trying. And I’m trying to play an active role instead of passively waiting. I thought waiting would work. I really truly did. But it hasn’t. So taking a logical, thought through action to try to start fixing things is necessary. I’m not okay. But I’m safe. But I need things to get better and I learned today that, while I don’t think I have control in this situation (and I very well may not), that I need to at least try to take some control back. And take an action that could help. I’m a fighter. And I know I need to keep fighting. I need to try to take control. I need to try to get back what I need. I need to keep trying and keep fighting. No matter how defeated and exhausted and depleted I feel. And I feel so defeated. • • • • • • #mentalillness #mentalhealthrecovery #ptsdawareness #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #cptsd #complexptsd #talkaboutit #keepfighting #raw_community_owner #raw_moody #raw_colours #lovelydeadcrap #fa_fadeaway #tv_fadingbeauty #macro_mextures #fiftyshades_of_macro #macro_brilliance #ig_week_family

10 months ago

The days feel so long... and even longer when I can’t escape the flashbacks and anxiety and desperation racing through my brain and body. I’ve learned that sometimes it’s healthier for me if I try to push away the thoughts, the worries, the frantic need to fix things and get back into my life the one person who can actually help me until a time when I’m not alone with the thoughts (a close friend came up with that technique and it’s been so helpful). All that I push away is still in me. The need to recover what was lost is still just as strong. The knowing what will help me and strategizing how to make that return is still there. But it isn’t helpful to think about when I’m alone. It hurts. And I spiral. Badly. So I try to push away the thoughts until I’m in a place where I can think about them and not be alone with them. Not easy. And today it’s been particularly difficult. But every day is difficult battling mental illnesses. But I try to use techniques like that to endure through the constant barrage of flashbacks and overwhelming anxiety and panic and lowness and dissociation and desperation and more. • • • • • • #ptsdawareness #cptsd #mentalillness #mentalhealthawareness #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpd #majordepressivedisorder #talkaboutit #warriorsoul #complexptsd #raw_community_owner #raw_bnw #raw_depthoffield #ig_week_family #raw_flowers #ig_week_bnw

10 months ago

Grasping onto any glimmer of light — even though the light feels fake, fleeting, gone. Because it is. It’s more than hard to see anything but darkness when you feel like you’re being crushed under traumas, illnesses, emotions, battles, and more. But there’s one thing… one person… I’ll hold onto returning. And, then, the Light can trickle back. I just need to hold on until then and know that there is something, someone, worth holding on and fighting for. • • • • • • #mentalillness #mentalhealthawareness #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #ptsdawareness #cptsd #talkaboutit #depressionrecovery #youarenotalone #complexptsd #raw_community_owner #raw_depthoffield #raw_moody #raw_allnature #dof_brilliance #macro_brilliance #ig_bliss_macro #dark_macro_art #bokeh_bliss #fiftyshades_of_macro #macro_mextures #ig_week_family #ig_week #moody_tones